If I Were Dead, Would that Get Me Published?

First of all, I'm not dead. This is not some cousin sitting at my house and hacking into my computer right after my funeral (though that would make an interesting short story).

Nope. I'm still alive and kicking. And that makes my writing worth less than my mid-sleep drool. No, that's not true. I'm too used to writing fiction, it seems. I don't drool. Perhaps my writing is worth less than my toothpaste foam? I do actually brush my teeth. A lot. And I floss, too.

But I digress. I spent the last week or so reading The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and the first 100 boring pages left me wondering why an editor didn't tell the writer to cut half of the exposition at the beginning. Or all of it. Then I realized that the writer was dead. An editor couldn't exactly cut it out over the author's dead body, could he? Or could he?










I know the book is a bestseller. I don't mean to criticize, really. But I did wonder whether the book is not far more popular because its author is dead. In the same way that an artist's paintings suddenly cost twice as much when the artist is no longer around to paint any more of them. 

And I still wish the first part had been edited down a LOT. And I didn't find the prose in the least bit "steamy," as the back cover promised. I wish I'd liked the characters more. I wish the justified deaths of the bad guys had been more satisfying. I wish there had been more suspense. More than anything else, I wish the author were still alive so that he could revise a little, improve, and make his books utterly spectacular.

I guess that makes me grateful. My best draft of any of my books isn't very good, but I'm not dead. I have time still to work on them.

What have I learned from all this, besides the fact that I hate exposition?

1. I'm not dead. (Whew!)
2. I don't want to be dead.
3. My writing still needs work.
4. If I don't become a published author until after I'm dead, that will stink big time.
5. I need to get to work on my writing!!!!

Come to think of it, so do you! You won't live to be 300, so you might as well get to work on your big life's project right now. Go do it. Get off this page. Stop wasting time reading my drivel and create some of your own. And then revise it. Cut out the damn exposition. Make it better.

Geez, are you still here? Go! Really! Why are you still reading this!?

OMG, I'm POSTING!

I believe my last post was in APRIL! I so suck! No, please don't comment that I don't suck, for I won't believe you. This is not the blog where people are supposed to be all nice to each other and say polite things. Nope, not the place. Give it to me honestly, or don't comment.

Fine, then, don't comment. Who said I wanted your comments anyway...

Besides, I'm posting, so nobody should complain. I'm sure you're so giddy that I'm here again that you almost spilled your coffee on your new pajama pants. And I'm only posting so that you can know why I'm such a non-posting goofball.

You see, I pretty much took four months off. Yup, May to August, to be precise, and now that I'm back on a roll and as busy as it is physically possible to be, I'm posting. Weird, huh? I had far more time during the summer, and I managed to accomplish absolutely nothing. Also weird.

Anyway, now that my kids are back in school, I find I have a TON of new work to do. These are my current jobs. I've put a dollar sign by those jobs which actually pay money, but don't believe for a moment that this is why I've added them to my weekly schedule. I'm a month in to most of them, and I'm a bit out of breath, but I finally feel like I have stuff to get up for in the morning, stuff that makes my heart beat wildly with excitement. I've also marked stuff that's new for this year. So, here's the list:

1. Director of the Bainbridge-Decatur County Center for the Arts (New)($): I was on the board last year, but everything shifted over the summer, and now I handle publicity for classes and art shows for a beautiful, historic Bainbridge Firehouse downtown which has been turned into an art gallery and meeting center.

2. College Instructor (New)($): I'm only teaching one class, but it's English, so it still gives me plenty of grading.

3. Director of Children's Choir: As I did last year, I'm directing 2- to 11-year-olds in my church's annual musical for Christmas.

4. Mother and Homework Helper: I'm on kid duty every afternoon, sometimes all afternoon and evening. The hardest part of this so far was getting my kids to realize they were back at school, and homework was a requirement.

5. Zumba instructor ($): I've cut down my classes a bit, but I still teach this two days a week. Many people want me to teach more, but I'm determined to leave my evenings free.

6. Author/Researcher of Spirits and Legends of the Chattahoochee Trace ($?): This is one of those projects that hopefully will pay off in a little bit, but I'll have to put in all the research and time and travel first, most likely. I'm excited about it, though, for I love research into legends and ghosts, especially when the research involves both.

7. Editor/Ghost Writer ($): I've done three of these projects over the last few months, and I just received another assignment. This latest one is just for editing, though, and I could not be more pleased. She's a great person and a great writer, and I am grateful not to be ghost writing, for that is a far harder task to undertake, as I have discovered through the past year. Editing is also great for my own writing, so this is good practice.

8. Organizer/Board Member for Women's Shelter: This is just starting up in our town, and we're busy collecting furniture and donations for it, organizing fundraisers, and, in my case, creating brochures for it, editing policies, and figuring out ways to get the whole thing going. I am by far not the most active board member, but that is only because the other ones are SOOOO hard working!

I'm also busy on other continuous projects--things like sewing for my kids and myself, painting and drawing, framing projects, and my continuous list of chores to keep the household going. I may very well have missed something, but I can edit this post (Thank God!).

So, what have all of you been up to?

A Snail's Pace Won't Boil Water

I have a few too many pots boiling at once.

1. I am costuming a musical--and I've so far managed to measure about HALF the cast.
COMPLETION: 5 %

2. I am revising a translation from Italian (yes, a language I am not actually fluent in). Thankfully, all I need to do is a quick final edit, and the project is finished.
COMPLETION:  90%

3. I'm trying every single day to make sure my kids stay on track with school, homework, chores. But I still have over a month of school remaining.
COMPLETION: 80%

4. Our house's addition is nearly complete, but then we have a lanai to put over the pool.
COMPLETION: 60%

5. I am helping to refinish a kitchen in an historic building downtown. Actually, I start helping today. And we have two weeks to get it done. We've planned it out, at least.
COMPLETION: 10%

6. Miscellaneous house projects still await, like some refinished floors, lacquered TV trays, a laundry room paint, etc. But I've done most of the house, at least.
COMPLETION: 90%

Thankfully, once I put my time into these projects (especially 1 and 5), the percentages will change.

But you know what else it means? No writing. It means my mermaid novel will have to wait. It means that I'm not participating in Script Frenzy. It means that those summer dresses and shirts I'd like to make my kids probably won't happen.

Darn.

If anybody has figured out how to squeeze a couple more hours out of a day, please let me know!

Not Writing--Costuming

I just finished a mammoth short story (a long, long short story), and I was all set to begin work revising my mermaid novel (once I've read through and edited two novels for a fellow writer), when I got a FANTASTIC call.

The local theatre is doing ANNIE... and while there is no way I have the evening time to be in it (and thus didn't audition), they've asked me to do costumes!!!! Yippee! I haven't costumed a whole show in several years, and, though I like acting, my creativity is far better suited for costuming and writing plays.

I am SO excited! To those of you who like the snarkier tone of this blog, I am so sorry, but I have not been feeling snarky at all lately. Just happy. And now I have yet another activity to adore!

Hope your lives are filled with fun stuff, too! I promise I'll check in when I'm feeling snarky, too. If you are feeling that way, please feel free to share your snarky comments below...

Got Ugly Voices? Kick Their Teeth In!

It still happens, every single time. Whether I'm submitting a poem to a contest, writing a query for my latest revised novel, or pressing "send" on a job proposal through a free-lance writing site, I hear those ugly voices.

You know them. If you are human, you have heard them yourself.

Mine are vicious. They say things like, "You know nobody's going to hire you," and "It's not like your novel is even worth reading," and "Your poetry/writing/blogging/hair/talent/voice/etc. just SUCKS!" They are insidious, taking little fears and blowing them up into cataclysms, trying to convince me that this one e-mail submission will absolutely RUIN my chances of EVER making it in the real publishing world.

Yours are unique to you, I am certain, but they cover the same sort of ground, saying everything they can to tear down your dreams, to keep you from taking chances, to make you crawl into a fetal position on the living room rug and stay there for the rest of your life.

They will drive you insane.

The solution? You KNOW what it is! You have mad karate skills, honed through practice and perseverance. So use those skills, and beat the snot out of these voices. Kick them in the teeth. Pull out their hair. Punch them again and again and again until they fall down or hop out of the ring. This is war.

As they grin at you, slicing at you with fear and criticism, bobbing and weaving, talking their trash, instead of trying out that fetal position, do the very thing they say you can't do. Submit your work. Finish that supposedly "crappy" novel. Write another sucky poem, and another, and another. Practice singing until you are hoarse. Play piano until your hands cramp. Try for that out-of-reach job. Kick them in the teeth enough times, and their teeth will either break into little pieces or they will simply GO AWAY.

Don't go insane. Don't let the voices take over. Don't be afraid. Embrace your fear, accept it for what it is--fear--and go on. I feel that fear every time, but I've decided that the more times I feel it, the more I'm working towards my dreams. I do submit carefully, but the point is that I still submit.

Funny word, submit. I wonder what I'm really submitting to...

First Round of ABNA--I'm In!

I am still think into writing, but I had to share news: My novel THE GHOST PORTAL made it to the second round of the Amazon.com Breakthrough Novel Contest! Yeah!

I'm editing a different novel right now, though... trying not to think about the fact that the next round won't be until March 20. Wish me luck!

And if you entered and made it to the next level, let me know! I'll look for you on the next list... (and keep my fingers crossed, too!)

Still Writing

Sorry it's been so long since I've blogged...

Okay, no, I'm not sorry. I'm all set to substitute teach, but each day I don't get a call I see it as a sign I need to write. So I do. I'm working steadily on my shred of novel #3, and once it's done I'm starting on novel #4's shred.

I did get called to sub once... in March... so I've put that one on the calendar, and I'm writing.

I do love you guys. I promise. But I don't love you more than writing, so I'm off to do it some more.

Comfort yourself with the thought that I am still alive. I'll try to write in another few weeks if I'm still kicking. Until then, GET WRITING, dammit!