Monday, July 11, 2011

You Rock!

Man, but you guys ROCK! You've taken this website to heart, and I could not appreciate it more! I put out the call for bad poetry, but you've taken it a step further--NO poetry! Not even some vapid haiku or limerick about a guy named Hammet.

I know why it is, too. You know I suck more than you do. So if you turn in some crappy old poem, you know I'm going to make mine suck more. And you're too competitive, so you don't want me showing you up. So you take the high road. You act all, "I don't have time to write a poem right now. I'm too busy negotiating this four-book deal with Simon & Schuster and checking the upward progress of my first novel on the New York Times Bestseller List."

Of course, you're also thinking, "That Shakespeare thinks she's so great, but I could definitely make a suckier poem than hers, no matter how bad it is." Only you don't have to prove it to me--or anybody--so you just sigh and shake your head at me. Because I care. Because I put out the call to compete. Because I want to be worse than you, but beating me isn't important to you. At all.

I don't matter, do I?

And even better, I got no followers. No commitment. No lavishing of praise where it isn't deserved (because it isn't, and I'm the first person to admit that). Awe-inspiring stuff, really. I can't fathom the nerve, the self-confidence, the sheer grit.

I'm amazed. Even now I'm on the ground groveling in the wake of your awesomeness. I could learn a lot from all of you out there. I should learn. If I did, I wouldn't waste my time posting anything.

I'd love to know what else you rock at. I'm perfectly vile at getting my picture taken--"hag" doesn't do the pictures sufficient justice--but I don't advertise that nearly as much as my writing. I make sure the pictures are rare, so I can shock people when they least expect it.



  1. I was torn. The crap I was going to send you fit your criteria for an assignment BUT I wasn't writing it as a prompt.

    What to do?

    Plus, as you might recall, I don't write poetry that will fit in a comment box. Ever. Except haiku which wouldn't be rhyme/rhythm.

    And I've been basically ignoring blogs on the weekends so I'm always behind.

    I can send it to you and you can post it at your leisure. IF I can find the damn things.

  2. No offense, hon, but what were you thinking assigning a writing assignment on a blog titled "I'm not writing anything anymore, dammit!"?

    I wasn't prepared. Maybe no one else was either.

  3. You're so sweet! You actually think I'm upset about it all. Don't take it seriously. This is my unserious blog, where everything is tongue-in-cheek and I laugh at my own neuroses (and I have MANY of them).

    I was just tired of letting the voices in my head get to me. So now the ugly things have a blog, where I get to shove them out onto a page and forget about them.

  4. Oh, and you even follow me now! Are you sure you want to? Is it out of pity?


  5. Bwaahahahahahaaa! You two and this blog leave me rolling on the floor. Shakespeare, you SHOULD quake in the aftermath of my awesomeness. You think you have neuroses? HA! You haven't got a thing on me, baby. I wrote a poem once that was so bad it fried my hard drive. I won't go there anymore. BUT! I will follow this blog to see how nugatory it can be.